Recently I’ve been making nice with a lot of people that I was rude to in the past on Twitch and different websites. The reality is that I’ve been very stressed and dealing with stupid drama for the past several years and I’ve let it affect my behavior towards others in many encounters. I’ve had 3 main people that I’ve felt I needed to apologize to. 2 of them seemed to have forgiven me no problems, and 1 did but with “terms” to his forgiveness.
In each of these apologies I basically started off saying “I’m sorry for what I did or said. I was wrong. I felt this way because of BLANK” and that was pretty much it. In these apologies I basically completely admitted I was wrong, but I also include the rationale behind my decisions and what the other person did that trigger said reaction. The point being I never claimed I was 100% correct and did nothing wrong, but I also wasn’t saying everything I did was completely illogical either.
The one person who forgave me with “terms” basically said “I forgive you, but I never want to be friends with you again” I understand sometimes in life things have to be this way, sometimes you just cannot get along with another person. However this is the kind of reaction you give to somebody who’s refusing to try and work with you, or somebody who makes you miserable. NOT somebody who you had an argument with that really bothered you.
I’ve never had any issues working out my issues with people, or often times even just apologizing when I know I’m wrong. My problem I’ve always had with people is that in most arguments and most social conflicts ONE PERSON is rarely the champion and is 100% in the right though. Therefore the times when you should say “I won’t be friends with you” or you should draw a huge boundary are when people are refusing to work with you at all.
There was a gentleman I went to church with once that I very much didn’t get along with. At first it was pretty much just him being rude, but at a certain point I actually started being rude back to him after dealing with him for several months. I eventually apologized and tried to be friends with him. I still thought he was wrong for his behavior, but I was also wrong too. The problem was he basically expected me to change and he was okay just staying the same forever. He refused to work with me and in most circumstances still viewed himself as the only one who was correct. I texted him and told him “I’m sorry for anything I said to hurt you but we’ll probably never end up being friends.” I said this because he always assumed the moral high ground and acted like I was the wrong one in arguments that involved both of us doing something wrong.
This person who refuses to be friends with me did just as much wrong as I did in these arguments we had shared, they seemed to want to claim the moral high ground. I was reaching out because I’m still willing to work with them. But unless you’re innocent and being antagonized constantly don’t pretend you have the moral high ground, it just makes you look petty and immature.
It takes much emotional maturity to admit when oneself is incorrect in social interactions. Unfortunately, some people will end up going their entire lives never attaining that level of maturity.
I honestly just see it as mostly common sense. All people are flawed and most arguements aren’t 1 person just being mad so it’s frustrating to me.